At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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