I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
