Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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