i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize