I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
