she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
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i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too