you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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