he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
