I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
