some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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