Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
