It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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