i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
