omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
