with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
