You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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