i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
