I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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