I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
