her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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