just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
