you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
