This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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