a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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