It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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