Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
