Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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