I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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