She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
