i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
