I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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