According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
