Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
