Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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