Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
