I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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