I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
