Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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