i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
