My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
