got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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