In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
