i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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