Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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