Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
