oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
