i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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