That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
