i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
