the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize