you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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