How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
