He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
