Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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