You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
