but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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