obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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