marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
