I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
