Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
