it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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