Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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