Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
