Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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