Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
