As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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