I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
