There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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