i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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