if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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