do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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