are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
