We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
