wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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