u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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