the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
